During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
