Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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