Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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