I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
