i jhust puked up my retainher.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
