i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
