Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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