Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize