I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
