One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
