All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
