We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
