i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
