I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
