So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
