I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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