Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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