Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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