Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
