I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
