I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
