Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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