i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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