"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
