so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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