i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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