yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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