I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
