I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
