FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
