If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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