Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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