I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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