In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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