Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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