the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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