Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
