the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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