Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
