i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
barbara walters just said penis...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
