So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
