so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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