found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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