I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
