fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
