Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.