are you so shy because you have an std?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
