allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
