We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
