I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
