We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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