Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
