all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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