I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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