Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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