No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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