I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
