I wish I could punch you in the face.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
