true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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