listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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