the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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