I puked a lego.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
