If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
someone owes me an orgasm
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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